Graceful Aging

I have a couple of friends (well, former friends...now more of acquaintances, really) who are women in their mid to late thirties. Recently, I've seen a surge in their writings about age-related stereotypes they encounter. They're struggling with the fact that they are considered 'cougars' in the dating world, that the world doesn't appreciate their inner beauty,and that men seem to speak in the past tense when referring to their prime days.

Let me first say, that I adore women. I also adore women in their thirties...and their forties, and of all ages, actually. I find that, generally speaking, women in their thirties know exactly what they want so they have no problems in asking for it, even demanding it. This is an attractive quality, at least it is to me. Strictly sexually speaking, I find that most women in their twenties have no idea what they're doing, whereas women in the next two decades have perfected the art of making love. Granted, I am not the rest of the world, or consumer culture or Madison Avenue. I am just a man. But I am a man who loves women.

That said, women have a lot of self-image problems. Despite all of the empowering messages that circulate in pop-culture (girl-power, The Secret, libraries of female affirming literature, the abundant presence of positive female role models (Suze Ormand, Oprah, Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsberg to name a few), and Dr. Phil), many women of my age don't seem to be getting it. While they profess how confident they are and how happy they are they simultaneously bitch and moan, often publicly about how they're devalued and misunderstood. I'm a patient man. I read their concerns. I listen to friends who lie in this demographic. I am sympathetic, really...I am. It's time, however, to give the rest of us a break. Pleeease!

As a man in my late thirties who has never been married, lives as an artist, owns nothing, has little saving, and hasn't fathered a child, I can say that I sympathize with the plight. I get it. You're getting older. You may not find The One. And yet you want to get something rolling. With the exception of the female egg timer issue I relate to every one of these problems. AND I was raised by a single mother who had to deal with issues of self-image while raising two children. I empathize with you.

So here it is. Deal with it. We are, each of us, what we are. Possibly more...nothing less. If you don't like hearing people talk about what your better days WERE, either redirect the topic of conversation or find a new partner in conversation. If you don't like being called a cougar, don't listen...or stop dating men vastly younger than yourself. If I date someone who's in her early twenties, I am referred to as a scoundrel, cradle-robber, and pervert. Guess What? I don't give a shit. You shouldn't either. And if you don't like that the world is calling you old, stop complaining about it. The popular media prizes beauty, that's true. Don't we all know that the media is not to be trusted? If you feel resentful that the world is judging you for not looking a certain way and you choose to rebel by not wearing make-up...good for you! You made a decision and you're living by it. But don't then complain that the very source you're acting in opposition with STILL doesn't appreciate you. They never will! Get over it. Jeez.

Here's a fact...we age. We can't get around it. We also die (shocking, I know!). But what are you going to do? We can't avoid these realities. What we can do is recognize that the narrative in our lives is our self-growth. What defines character is not the circumstances you've been dealt, but how you respond to the circumstances.

And that, my dears, is the key to aging gracefully. Now I have to go apply preparation-H to the crow's feet and bags around my eyes. I have a date with a woman in her forties and I want to impress her.